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Three situations. Pick yours.

Planning for yourself, helping a living parent, or deciding about a funeral or a plot. Each path is a short list of what to do first, and what can wait.

Three wooden chair backs against a wall lit by two windows in late afternoon.

The two-page checklist

A short list of the documents and account details a family is asked for in the first two weeks. Free, two pages, no account. Ask to be notified when it is ready.

We are not sending checklists yet. No list, no follow-up.

01

I am putting my own affairs in order

The order matters less than finishing. But if you want an order, use this one.

  1. 01

    Name who speaks for you.

    An advance directive and a healthcare proxy decide who makes medical decisions if you cannot. This is the one document that fails most often, because people name someone and never tell them.

  2. 02

    Name who signs for you.

    A durable power of attorney covers money and property while you are alive. It ends at death. It is not a will.

  3. 03

    Write down where the originals are.

    Not copies. The safe, the deposit box, the attorney's office, the drawer.

  4. 04

    List the accounts.

    Institution, type, and whether a beneficiary is on file. A named beneficiary usually moves faster than a will.

  5. 05

    Say what you want for a funeral or burial.

    Even one paragraph prevents an argument.

  6. 06

    Tell two people where the binder lives.

    Two, not one.

The 72-Hour File is the full version of this list: twelve sections, with the questions already written and a place for each answer. $37. See what is inside.

02

I am helping a living parent

The hard part is not the paperwork. It is the first conversation, and then keeping what you learn somewhere you can find it again.

  1. 01

    Ask once, plainly, and not at a holiday.

    “If you got sick, who would you want making decisions? Do you have that in writing?” is enough to start.

  2. 02

    Offer to be the one who writes it down.

    Most parents are not refusing; they are avoiding a task. Taking the task is the offer.

  3. 03

    Find out whether documents already exist.

    Many people signed something in the 1990s and never looked again. An old document may name someone who has died or moved away.

  4. 04

    Get on the accounts the right way.

    A power of attorney, a joint signature, or an authorized-user form, not their password. Using a parent's login is not authorization, and banks treat it badly.

  5. 05

    Write down the medical basics.

    Conditions, medications, doses, prescribers, pharmacy, allergies. You will be asked for this at every intake.

  6. 06

    Keep one shared copy.

    Somewhere both of you can reach it without asking the other.

If They Go In Tonight is built for this: the questions to ask, the medical and account facts to record, and the forms to look for. $19. See what is inside.

If you also want your parent's own wishes written down, the 72-Hour File is the workbook they fill in. $37. See what is inside.

03

I am deciding about a funeral or a plot

This is where the most money is spent fastest, usually within 48 hours, and usually by someone who is grieving. Slow it down.

  1. 01

    Ask for the itemized price list.

    A funeral home must hand you a printed General Price List, yours to keep, as soon as you begin discussing prices or arrangements in person, and must answer price questions by phone. That is federal law, not a courtesy. They are not required to post prices online.

  2. 02

    Separate what is required from what is offered.

    Very little is legally required. Except in certain special cases, embalming is not required by law, and the price list has to say so. No funeral home or crematory may require a casket for a direct cremation.

  3. 03

    Get a second price.

    Prices for identical services vary widely between homes in the same city.

  4. 04

    Decide about a plot separately from the funeral.

    They are different purchases, often from different sellers, with different rules.

  5. 05

    Check what is already paid for.

    Prepaid plans, veterans benefits, union or fraternal benefits, and life insurance with a funeral assignment.

  6. 06

    Do not sign anything the same day if you can avoid it.

Before the Funeral Home records wishes, what is already paid for, and the questions to ask a funeral home. $19. See what is inside.

Call the Cemetery First covers buying or selling a plot: deeds, transfer rules, and what a cemetery will and will not do. $19. See what is inside.

Organization and education, not legal or funeral advice. Rules differ by state and by property.